Thanksgiving.

I am thankful for Laura, friends, family, food, kitchens, forests, music, paint, and animals. I am thankful for this world. The St Mary's river, and gardens and museums. Recipes and tea and kisses.

I am thankful for people on an individual basis.

I am thankful for life, and love

My hands are all blistered from work today. Striking the set from the play, I pulled up about 500 staples from the floor holding the drop down. It was still really fun, and honestly, it's probably the best job I've ever had. The only reason I like it more than the farm is that it pays more than the farm did... I got paid less than minimum wage with Brett, though it is true that I got free veggies all the time and that was an awesome bonus :). I am also getting real practical skills with tools, so I will have some more than basic carpentry/tools/electrician skills for the real world with Laura. And I get theatre experience!! That job plus Leon's class (Scenic Design for Film and Stage, lots of drafting and modeling, and I got in without any of the prerequisites simply because he's my boss and likes my art!) are nice on a resume, but I honestly am just interested in the theatre and want to keep it open to doing more things with theatre. Keeping myself well rounded in the arts, at least ;)

Next semester, besides the scenic design class, I'm taking painting studio, digital art studio, and Sexuality and Modernity (an art theory/WGSX class taught by Joe!). Oh, and a one-credit feminist book club Laura and I are both in, which should be fun besides one girl who rather annoys me (and is unfortunately directing the vagina monologues. Not so sure I want to participate in those now... ) But yea! Exciting, fun semester. I'm really happy with my schedule, and I'm hoping I can figure out what media I want to do my SMP (senior project) in. I'm really torn, and I kind of just want to do a very mixed media thing. Maybe an installation. Even though I have very minimal installation/sculpture experience. Oops.

My computer came back a while ago. I lost all my info not backed up (and it was backed up summer 2008... so that's a whole school year's worth of papers, and alll my photos with Laura... not fun not fun) But on the bright side, it came with an upgrade to leopard!! So I'm ok with that, especially since it came with two pieces of software I adore: skim, a pdf reader that annotates, so when I read articles on my computer I can highlight and write notes like I do with printed articles, and omnioutliner, which is an outlining tool!! I love outlining papers! And now I can outline in this program instead of doing rougher outlines in text edit. So happy, so happy. And I've slowly been recovering information that I have saved in emails or online. (I'm going to redownload any photos I put on facebook soon... even though they are lower quality at least I will have them back). I learned to back up all the time, now!

I have 16 books out of the library right now. I'm beating Laura the history major, even!! Some are on children's book illustration (and children's books) and tigers, for my current book arts project. Some are on the female nude, for my painting project where I want to critique the female nude (tryina think of ideas... something not cliched :\ or else I'd do barbie paintings or something haha). I have books on the national school lunch program for food and culture, because for a group project we are looking at the US gov and meat, so I'm specifically looking at meat in school lunches. Very neat. I've become a real fan of the library this semester. And just doing work ahead of time, at least usually. I'm still behind where I want to be on some of my pomo art work, but I'm doing okay :)

I have chocolate-mint oolong tea that I took from the co-op last semester. It tastes amazing!! I am feeling very relaxed right now, I did some work today, now relaxing with music and Laura and tea and cookies. Happiness. :)

I broke my computer. Or my computer broke itself. Spent a half hour on tech support with Apple (they have this fancy system where you lodge your issue, choose a time, give them your phone number and a customer service rep calls you!), and he thinks they have to replace my hard drive. So they are sending me a box to put my baby in, and send it to Apple for fixing. I'm heartbroken that I am most likely losing my files, which I haven't backed up since Augustish? So that means lots of music that I'll have to recover off my ipod. And lots of lost random things.
But, it could be worse. I will have a computer when it gets fixed. And I have some files backed up. And I have my music on my ipod, the only thing I may not have on my ipod is Sainthood, which Laura has :)
I should be upset but I'm a lot less emotionally attached to my computer these days. I have a life outside of it. All is good.

Also, pretty sure I'm taking a scenic design class next semester with one of my theatre bosses!! He just wants to see some of my artwork first since I haven't taken the Theatre prerequesites for it. But I should be fine since I do scenic painting and work in the scene shop already. Soooo pumped!!

question: can I include lesbians in every paper I write?
answer: yes I can!!
 
Finishing a paper. My computer broke last night so I have to write on Laura's. I'm really nervous that something went really wrong with my computer :(

I guess, in many ways, I'm a stereotypical feministlesbianenvironmentalactivist female college student. My music, the issues I focus on (I am planning a painting addressing the issues of the stereotypical female nude and issues of the gaze. This could be a whole smp, really though. but I am addressing it in an intro level painting class?). Some of it is my youth, my idealism, my 'fuck the patriarchy, fuck the man, fuck heteronormativy' hopes and wishes. I know that I'm being a little ridiculous, a little idealistic. But it hurts so much to see inequity in not just the larger scale of the world, but a liberal hippie liberal arts college. Sometimes I can rail against this. Sometimes it is too much. I know I'm young, I know I will mellow out when I get older, I already have mellowed out some. That's okay, I will accept this, but it's not time for me to completely accept that status quo.
 
I am pulled in pieces though--I have strong ideals, but it is so tiring (and honestly? largely ineffective) to be an activist. I'm not interested in trying to lobby politicians. I just want to change a few people on the personal level, let them change people, and let the revolution be quiet and effective, not mandated from above. I want change, but I have seen have very little change comes from larger institutions. I'm idealistic and jaded at the same time. :(

one and a half-hour nap with my girlfriend is the best study break ever.
 
also, Laura told me today that she wants three kids. she's adorable. I can't wait to have three kids and 20 cats and 15 guinea pigs and who knows how many turtles with her :)

means beer and tea

Reading days!! I am so so happy to have the break, and time to chill. Unfortunately, Laura got sick :( But, luckily we have about 25 different types of tea, and cough drops and other medications, and since it is break she's able to sleep a lot.
I feel very accomplished. I've cleaned the bathroom (except I don't think there's anything to get rid of this nasty mold we're getting except bleach so I gotta go buy that) and cooked a lot, and did about 4 loads of laundry today with Laura. not super cool, but necessary. I'm thinking about making a curry in the crockpot tomorrow! And then on Tuesday, I am going to get my flu shot. Brooke got the swine flu. :( But my parents aren't too worried about her, and I'm hoping she will be okay. So I'm pretty happy I didn't go back to my parents house this weekend, I would have had to avoid ill sister. Poor thing.

My housemate from France. Sweet girl, really nice, isn't loud and goes to bed early. She's been eating all the bread Laura and I buy. And the peanut butter. And the nutella and vegetable oil and cereal. Oh, and my SUGAR. Without asking or replacing. I was letting it slip for the past oh, THREE WEEKS because I'm nice. But it's gotten way too bad. I just went crazy and hid the nutella and peanut butter and wrote notes on the other foods that were being regularly taken that say "DO NOT EAT" or "please do not eat unless you are going to replace this!" (like the veggie oil. She's used half the fucking bottle and it's a small one. I bought that! My money! She's not helping us out with food, she just brings to go boxes in the fridges!! And she has gone off campus to buy food so it's not impossible for her. Or she could just donate money. Or at least fucking ASK. I told her she could use the dishes, not my peanut butter!!!!!) I can't bring myself to talk to her because I'm really really bad with confrontations, and Laura's even worse. But at least now that I've gotten genuinely pissed I'll be more likely to do so if she keeps on doing this. Especially after all my notes. I got so upset that I changed my facebook status to "stop eating my goddamn bread!!!!"
 
blagh! I can't wait till next semester when I'm living with Kait and Rachel and we are all cooking together and being cooperative and actually being able to have conversations with my housemates.
 
(I need an angry icon for here I think)

St Mary's is offering flu shots, but the line was about an hour and a half. I don't have that kind of time in the middle of the day, I need to attend a lecture at 430. It really annoys me that it's so inefficient, because it's not like these are free flu shots either. But it is such a small school, I guess, so we have limited opportunities. And more people will be getting the shots this year because of the swine flu (even though the immunization isn't for h1n1, I guess people don't realize it?) Funny story, at the beginning of the school year I was getting an allergy shot and talking to the receptionist, when she got a phone call from a parent that was flipping their shit about the swine flu, and trying to see if their kid could get the immunization, and what would health services do about the swine flu? Susan, the receptionist, was trying to explain that we would have a flu vaccination in september, and yes it would be posted on the website and your kid will get an email about it so stop flipping your shit. I was very amused--must have been a freshman's parents.
 
Currently I'm obsessed with the Metric song "Help I'm Alive". Just love the song, love Emily's voice, and love the lyrics. The fear and uncertainty of putting yourself out there, being open. (Or fear of being alive and trying to run from zombies, which is an alternate interpretation I'm very amused by) Here is the acoustic version, though I think I still prefer the studio version. I keep on waking up with it in my head!
 
I've received a couple of completely out of the blue comments today that made me really happy. On facebook, someone wrote "I like you!" on my facebook status, and another girl emailed me about protesting one of the college presidential candidates, and told me I am a "bastion of hippie liberalness", which is great because I've felt like an old lady lately. I mostly do schoolwork, and I get tired before midnight. Glad to know I'm still hip and likeable at my old lady 20 haha.

When I grow old and have the space, I want to have a guinea pig farm. Not like the horrible pet farms that produce animals for pet stores, but just have lots and lots of guinea pigs that I let roam around a safe area, and take care of them. I can train them to do tricks, and become a traveling show, until my guinea pigs are famous enough to perform at home and people will come to watch.
 
I love guinea piggies so much.

So much to say!! I haven't even though about this journal in far too long :( I should be doing work, I have ~10 pages of various writing due by Friday, but I would like to relax some.( sooooo much to update with! )
 
Laura is home! Need to find out if we're watching Trueblood with Megan!

Laura and I have moved into our townhouse! It's really nice, though still not completely decorated. I feel comfortable, but not settled in yet I guess. Some of that may just be housemates I don't know well. One is a French exchange student, and the other is a junior that goes to the college. They are mostly in their room or out and about, and we haven't hung out a lot. But they are both very nice! It's only the second day here and we'll see what it's like when classes start tomorrow. I am really really happy to be here though. There is a kitchen! And even though some of my favorite people are abroad (Kait, Rachel, Lizzie, Laura S to name a few), there are still amazing people here! I went to Bethany's birthday food gathering (I love gatherings around food, I love just getting together and bringing a potluck and talking and enjoying everyone's company) and saw all the awesome Ecohouse people. And I love everyone in the Mike/Jimmy/Matt/Fernandes house! I am happy to be here with friends that have been mildly out of touch during the summer and see everyone. I am excited to start classes (Food and Culture and Book Arts tomorrow!) and I am excited that Laura's and my one year anniversary is Saturday :)

Today Laura and Mike and I went down to school to drop off the loveseat and all my junk! We're not officially allowed to move in till Saturday, and Their brother wants to do a movie tonight and stuff, so it was pretty much a drop and run. I'm excited. They removed our upstairs carpeting and replaced it with cold cold linoleum, and my housemates have two empty minifridges running in the common room which seems a little wasteful :( but I am excited. It's almost time for school! And I will once again feel productive and like I fit in where I live. I was driving back, and I realize I love the county, I love the school, I love everything about this area. It's just home :)
On a more stressed note, I am a little nervous about SEAC this semester. I am one of two presidents, the only officer that has been in the club for more than a year, and I'm really nervous about some of the new officers. I am just nervous about what we're going to do with the club. I just feel unprepared and I guess not ready to lead it. Like, I know I have two other good officers. But I just am afraid we're not gonna do enough. Or a lot. Or just drag the club downnn. Argh!! I'm hoping to hammer out a whole bunch of thoughts/initiatives/plans with Emily, then with the other core members. Let's hope it helps.

Tiesto song with Tegan and Sara on it!! I love love love it, I just want to dace to it all day until my feet fall off.
I am also almost almost finished a set of curtains!!! they are the tabbed type, and I'm sewing the tabs on. Unfortunately, it's too bulky to do with my machine (which would have been so simple) so I'm hand sewing them on. maybe I'll put pictures up when they are done, or just wait until they are hanging in my and Laura's room!! Eeee. I'm moving in to school on the 29th, but I'm going down to Laura's on the 24th to escape my house haha. I am super impatient to get going, but I've been trying to keep busy for the next five days. Need to pack, hang out with different family members, and wax my car (my father's request).
But, for now, I have work. I only have two more shifts left, including today's!! And then I'm done working at the sink or swim for hopefully the rest of my life.

I made jam!! Successfully! I can now jam to the repertoire of things that I have successfully cooked. It was a really easy recipe modified from a couple from this site. (I never can follow a recipe, I kind of look at a couple and then make it up from there. I'm quite daring as a cook, though I have to watch out to make sure I don't make vanilla mac and cheese again... )
I pretty much combined an unknown amount of rhubarb (I'm guessing about 5 cups), 3 cups of sugar, probably 3/4 c of water (which was too much!! I recommend somewhere between 1/4 and 1/2 cup) and boiled it. I did for about 15 min, but if you use less water than I did you can do less. Then, when it was getting moderately thick, I took it off the heat, added a pack of strawberry vegan jello I had but wasnt sure what to do with (jam>vegan jello shots), poured it into a container and set it in the fridge.
 
When I got back from work I had yummy yummy rhubarb jam to put on the zucchini bread my mother made. Her garden grew monster zucchini this summer, probably to make up for the lack of tomatoes it produced. I also made more cloth pads for me/Laura, using this amazing wolf fabric! I'm gonna try to make more (plus curtains!) before I go back to school, though I'm planning to take my sewing machine to school too.
 
At night, my little brother lights up through the same door I used to sneak out to worship the moon when I was his age and younger. It's strange, because we both did it secretively, yet when I look at myself, the girl in a skirt carrying candles and incense outside to light while dancing under the moon, it seems silly in comparison to his illegal activities. I also feel like he is misusing the squeaky basement door. I was lighting flames I saw as sacred, he is lighting up to have a good time.

I have been a little stressed/depressed for the past couple weeks, so I went to Laura's (excuse: fixing her video driver so she can play WoW again) and then to Arundel Mills with her and Mike. And she's coming up tomorrow with her family!! Then we go to the beach on Wednesday, and I get to see Rachel on next Sunday, then Laura comes up to help me pack and run away to school haha. So really, a jam packed end of the summer. Thank goodness, it has been too long.
I need to finish making curtains. I cut them out, but I need to pin and sew.
Also, one of my workers decided that she isnt coming to work tomorrow, because she wants to go to the beach, and she couldn't find anyone to work for her. Lisa is going to fire her if she doesn't come in. Even though I should feel bad for her, I'm relieved because the worker would not do any work, and I'm sick of her attitude where she thinks that she doesn't *need* to work. At work today after she left (and I did a very unprofessional celebratory dance) I played Egyptian Rat Screw and Tourettes with my other workers, Haley Katey and Seth. (Tourettes is apparently very fun as a drinking game!)

I am impatient to get moving, get back to school. I don't get antsy for change all the time, only when I'm not happy with what I'm currently doing. My mother and I aren't fighting, but we don't see eye-to-eye on a lot of things, and she is also stressing me out about money (which has the unfortunate side effect of making Laura stressed about money!! :-\ ) Right now, I'm planning to pack my car a week early, and move to Laura's before going back to school. I just have to be careful how I ask her mother about it--if I say that I'm not on the best terms with my mother (when am I ever) and I hate my summer job and I just want to be somewhere I feel loved, she'll probably try to take me right away haha. My mind is flying through these next three weeks, I want to be done with them and back home. (I abandoned this place as home a while ago.)
 
Amusing sidenote: I am playing wow as I type, and LJ is giving me ads for a free 10 day trial. No need!